The Assayer

by fragmentedspeech

There was a Royal Taste Tester

Who was no better than the Royal Joke Jester

He tested the food and tasted for harm

A dish of fish may cause the loss of feeling in his left arm

A plate of the late he wish he never had ate

A platter of matter that cause’ to loose control o’ blatter

At any moment and any second

His life’s end may be beckoned

This Taste Tester of such royalty

One day was given a taste test of loyalty

You see a voluptuous diamond planted was

In a scrumptious rum cake, delivering a buzz

The tester you see

Greedy was he

Thieved the diamond just cause’

Now the diamond was mind in the cake’s third layer

And changed this Royal Taste Tester into an Assayer

An assayer, good sir you see,

Is a mineral man of great geology

He tests for rocks and the contents of such

Now the poor Assayer will end in Death’s clutch

The cake was returned back to the Royal Duke

The cake was finished and made the Duke puke

The puke was so thick and green

such as the Assayer’s foolish greed

The Duke’s adviser who conducted the test

Out with his cry and out with his detest

“Thief! Thief!” He cried out

His face turning to a pout

“There once was a diamond,

now stolen by this cretin!”

I replay quickly, knowing I have not been beaten

“Perhaps this diamond may have been eaten?”

I drop to my knees slipping the diamond from my pouch

Into the vomit then undoing my crouch

The Duke gazes dizzy and sees the stone

“I found it!” he yells, staring into the vomit, upwards he had thrown

This trick o’ mine did not fool his adviser

“liar, fool, trick!” from his mouth, spouted like a geyser

He saw me, he had, now I am better off dead

That is how I ended here, in this guillotine, about to loose my head