Truths pt. one
I woke up and my door was locked. Must be some kind of joke or game played on me by someone I know or more frighteningly so someone who knows me, someone who knows me yet I don’t know them. When I first woke the first thing I noticed was not that the door had been locked but the unsettling fact that the locking mechanism had been removed and flipped so as it would lock from the outside. Even the slide chain lock was switched. My apartment was not previously blessed with windows so other means of escape was impossible. I was thinking of escape–funny. Escape from my own home. The door being fucked with was not even the strangest part. All paintings previously hung were now upside down, wall sockets were also this way. All wires and means of communication were unplugged. Television cables cut, ripped from their shielding and soldered into themselves. All silverware was strangely deformed. Spoons had strange waves in them like they were heated and re-bent in strange motions, forks the same–knives–they stayed the same. I did not own any means to contact the outside world unfortunately. My clock had also been severed of power so I did not know the time. With no view of the outside world I had no reference, with no reference I substituted my best judgment. I had water still, this was good.
My refrigerator was stocked with cans of skinned tomatoes. I sat–alone.
By “lunchtime” I broke out a can of tomatoes. I opened the can and began to devour the freezing cold red blobs with my fucked up utensils. I did this as I sat in my bathtub in the dark. This is being a human I convince myself, this is being normal–real. The truth of my miniaturized universal existence boils down to exactly this: I am trapped in my home with no escape. I have enough food and water to survive. I don’t feel rushed to leave because I am home. I don’t feel rushed to leave because I have food. I can’t leave, I do not want to. Do humans do this to themselves, do they get jobs they don’t love and don’t hate? They are stuck in their endless cycle that they can’t leave and do not want to because it is in fact enough. It is enough for them. Did I trap myself here? Want to know my name? (I am asking myself) I know it so I do not have to clarify–when you are with your self you never have to have elaborations of clarity. No misconceptions are committed. No crimes are committed. You are with the one being that understands your own existence and that is you–facts are lonely and they hurt–I honestly love tomatoes, at least, that’s what I convince myself every day of my life.